What This Blog is Not Blog: Part II

  • August 26, 2013

We have come to the inevitable point in our relationship where we have to define what it is that we’re doing here. It’s time to answer the critical question, “What are we?” And, like in so many instances, when you don’t know what you ARE, you can at least articulate what you are NOT.

PART II

Here goes…

This blog is not a pop culture blog.

Sometimes I care about which celebrity got:

Married

Divorced

Pregnant

Drunk

High

Rehabilitated

Hired

Fired

Sued

Arrested

Jailed

Imprisoned

Paroled

Released

Reunited

Saved

Caught

Caught up

Outed

Boo’d

Boo’d Up,

Punk’d, or

Given away in a Racial Draft.

But, most of the time, I do not.

 

I should also add that you will not find on this blog any of the snarky, sassy phrases commonly used on pop culture blogs, such as:

Dear [God/White People/Mark Zuckerberg…],

What in the…?

What in the ENTIRE…?

I’m done.

I quit.

I can’t.

I can’t right now.

I can’t any more.

I can’t ever again.

Have a seat.

Have several seats.

Have a stadium full of seats.

Jesus take the [wheel/handle bars/emergency brake…].

Jesus be a [fence/winning Powerball ticket/turkey sandwich with extra mayo…].

Praise White/Baby Jesus!

That moment when [you look up and it’s only Tuesday/you open the freezer and realize you’re out of Chunky Monkey/you’re about to snap on your boss but Sallie Mae calls…].

Die

iDied.

DEAD.

[Olivia Pope in these elbow-length white gloves/this new Robin Thicke/this turkey sandwich with extra mayo…] is GIVING ME LIFE!

You heard it here first.

THIS.

ALL of this.

YASSSSSS!

#IJS (I’m just saying)

That is all.

Govern yourself accordingly.

Carry on

Thanks.

Thanks, Mgmt

#kanyeshrug

 

For example:

“Dear BET,

What in the ENTIRE Arden B. sales rack was [insert celeb] wearing at the music awards? When she got on stage, iDied. I can’t right now. I quit, and I’m done. Have a stadium full of seats. Jesus be a gift certificate to Saks. The moment when you realize that you are officially too old for crop tops. And this side eye [a different celeb] just gave [the formerly mentioned celeb] is GIVING ME LIFE! ALL OF THIS. YAAAAASSS!!! This just in, a gold lamé short set is only appropriate if you’re playing Foxxy Cleopatra in an Off-Off-Broadway rendition of Goldmember. You heard it hear first. Govern yourselves accordingly. #IJS. Carry on.

Thanks,

Mgmt”

 

I don’t know how we all decided we were going to talk like this (I know Miss Lawrence, Derek J, and Dwight are partially to blame) or how we’re going to make it stop, but…

5 Comments on "What This Blog is Not Blog: Part II"

  • Eunice says

    Don’t forget “X is EVERYTHING.”

    Cuz it’s just not.

    • akilah says

      Ha!! And it certainly did not give you life.

  • Angela says

    You are giving me LYYYFFEEE! Yaaasss, huntiy! Yaaass! Tell your haters to CATCH FIRE!

    You forgot to refer to yourself in the third person too, tee hee hee.

    • akilah says

      And when referring to yourself in the 3rd person, you must give yourself a title, e.g., “Miss Kila,” “Queen Angela,” “Diva Sophia,” “The Lady Cydney”…”has arrived. Let the festivities commence.”

  • Amy says

    given away in a racial draft… HA haa.
    These are some of the best made lists of 2013.

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